Where I want to be
by Anime addicted
Summary: Rogue realizes that a power like hers isn't good and she goes through lots of trouble just to be with the bad side. Warning: Chapter 2 mosttly about Jean.
1. Jean's up

**Title**: Jean's up  
  
**Summary**: Rogue realizes a power like hers isn't meant for anything good and goes through a lot just to get from good to bad.  
  
**Warnings**: This is not a romance in any way. Logan is a bit of a jerk in this fic so if Logan's your favorite character then leave now! I'm not a Jean person so my interpretation on Phoenix may be way off also this is a short first chapter.  
  
_Voices inside the head, their own and others_  
  
Telepathic conversations  
  
**Alkali Lake  
**  
It was bright and it was cold-no it was literally freezing, but something was wrong. She remembered where she was at and how cold it was the last time she was there but now she wasn't cold. She was fine, not hot nor cold. She could see her breath in front of her face when she inhaled and exhaled and she could move as quick as ever...only problem was she couldn't feel a thing but she knew she wasn't cold.  
  
"How long have I been here?" She asked herself her voice a bit raspy from not being used in so long.  
  
When she talked it seemed like the loudest thing in the world as it echoed in the silence. There were no birds or any animals nearby, all she could see was water...almost partially frozen.  
  
Water? she thought to herself almost confused.  
  
She looked down and her bright green eyes widened. She was surrounded by water but she wasn't even touching it. She saw her shadow...it wasn't right at her foot, it was adrift and she knew she was floating in mid air. She knew something was different about her ever since Liberty Island but she had no clue exactly what it was.  
  
_Phoenix_ A voice that wasn't her own whispered in her head. The voice was soft and stern like and old woman who'd been through lots, but the voice wasn't old it was vibrant. She looked around her, looking for somebody- anybody, but specifically the person who had spoken to her. _I'm you_ it whispered again.  
  
"Who's there?" she called out finally feeling stupid having looked around like and idiot.  
  
_You are_ The voice was almost taunting with amusement. _I'm you_ The voice was playing games with her, it knew exactly what was going on but it wasn't telling.  
  
"How are you me?" she knew there were many possibilities to her question, she was a telepath after all so most things for her weren't unorthodox to her, but she simply wanted to know of this was all a joke of cruelty, and if it wasn't then she wanted to know the exact possibility of how this...Phoenix was her.  
  
_You created me...in a suppressed and involuntary manner_ Phoenix, or so it called itself, replied.  
  
"How would I do that? Why would I do that?" she asked herself.  
  
_You weren't listening. I said involuntary meaning accidental. You had no choice_ Phoenix said a bit of dismay in her voice, obviously she was impatient.  
  
"Okay then how would I do something like that?"  
  
There was a silence and she had to wonder if this Phoenix had left. Then out of nowhere she started talking _During Liberty Island you forced yourself past your extremity or your limit. Every living thing has one set for them, but it takes time to get there, sometimes its takes an entire lifetime to reach it. You pent past it too soon and your body both mentally and physically wouldn't bee able to have lasted very long_ Phoenix explained.  
  
She began to understand slowly," You're telling me that I created you subconsciously all because I over exerted myself way back at Liberty Island?"  
  
_Re_ There was a pause _created...and yes_ Phoenix replied.  
  
"Recreated?" She put the two words together and was lost again.  
  
_Yes recreated. When I died centuries ago I never accepted peace because I wanted to continue to live on even as a simple spirit, I could always posses someone with a body that could handle me even for a short time. You obviously don't know that the name Phoenix isn't simply a name. It's a legendary creature, a fire bird actually _she said almost proudly.  
  
"I remember something about that...protector of the earth right?" Jean suddenly remembered.  
  
_Yes and that is what you do, protect. Maybe it's not earth you are protecting but it's a start_. Jean didn'tknow if it was meant as a joke or if she was serious.  
  
"Um okay-ahhh!" Jean cried out in mid sentence because of a burning heat that suddenly soared in her head.  
  
She felt herself suddenly but slowly grow cold and fall into the ice cold water and this time it really was freezing cold and she thought that this time she would die for sure...that is until she heard them. Even under the water she could hear but she couldn't understand anything. She felt someone pull her out the freezing water that felt like needles in her throat and knives on her skin. It burned her eyes, it was so cold and it rushed in her nose. Being outside the water almost felt worse then being in and she choked on the water that she only half swallowed. She whipped her eyes violently as to get the water out. She felt as if she were thrashing around like a fish but it was something she couldn't help.  
  
"Are you okay?" it was a mans voice, it was deep and shaky as if the person was old.  
  
She opened her eyes for a second seeing an entire family helping her, carrying her and then she blacked out.  
  



	2. Jean's up and Rogue's breakup

**

* * *

Title:** More Jean and Rogue's breakup   
  
**Summary:** Rogue realizes a power like hers isn't meant for anything good and goes through a lot just to get from good to bad.  
  
**Warnings:** This is not a romance in any way. Logan is a bit of a jerk in this fic so if Logan's your favorite character then leave now! I'm not a Jean person so my interpretation on Phoenix may be way off also this is a short first chapter. This stuff about the chapters being mostly about Jean will be over soon I promise.  
  
_Voices inside the head, their own and others_

* * *

**Back at the Xavier Institute for gifted youngsters**  
  
BANG...The door closed quickly due to the air in the building scaring a young woman with two-toned hair and green eyes, she looked up to her whit haired teacher.  
  
"Rogue child...your grades are slipping. Is there anything wrong?" The teacher Ororo Monroe asked in her sweet voice and concerned eyes.  
  
Rogue sighed, this was the third time she was pulled out of class for her grades this week only this time it isn't the same teacher it was Ororo. She was tired of it, of everything. She was tired of asking to be on the team and not being granted her request because Logan was too protective and thought he'd lose her like he did Jean, another thing she was tired of always being compared in some way to Jean. She was tired of never leaving the institute unless she was with a group, she was tired of being feared because of her power, she was tired of being weak, of holding back, and of being trapped. She looked up irritated.  
  
"Ah know, ah've just been busy," she wanted to say something else but it wouldn't be polite and she didn't want to seem like a bitch, though it would be fun.  
  
There was a growl from behind her," Busy with what? You never leave the institute and that leaves plenty of time to study and do your work."  
  
_Busy with the voices in my head idiot_ Rogue thought bitterly. She used to forget about her problems by doing all her work but lately she knew she was fooling herself and it wasn't going to work anymore. "Things," she said simply. He'd been extremely annoying ever since Jean.  
  
Another growl came from him and she rolled her eyes since he couldn't see. The bell rang and everyone hurried to their rooms since there was no more school for the rest of the day. Rogue went along with the crowd of students as she hurried to get away from Logan and her grades and she bumped into Bobby.   
  
"Sorry," They both muttered in unison.  
  
They'd not really spoken since Alkali Lake. Bobby was ashamed and angry at his brother for what he did and for making mutants look bad, but also that was really thanks to John. Rogue felt guilty for Jean's death because she could've done so much different making sure Jean were still here. She could've flown the jet better making it so it wouldn't have been so hard to get started, she could've absorbed Kurt surprising her by being another teleporter maybye, and she could've absorbed Kitty phasing through the jet and assisting Jean. She and Bobby both had their problems to deal with and ever since that moment in the jet when they were holding hands for dear life, Rogue called out John's name knowing he went to the other side, things had been weird ever since. The thing about it was she felt nothing...not guilt or embarrassment or even respect for what she did.  
  
_He was the one who took it in the wrong fucking way_ she thought. He had thought she said John's name because she admired him in a way more than friendship and when she made no effort to explain it, everything simply went downhill for them since that point..  
  
"Rogue we...I can't...sorry," he said, he felt bad, she didn't really understand why.  
  
Rogue knew what he was trying to say and she knew he'd been trying to say it for a while but she didn't know how bad it would hurt, she didn't understand why it hurt. Her heart stopped for a second and began to beat super fast. Her throat dried and she balled her fists. She felt dumb for believing someone like her could be capable of keeping someone happy when she had her power, also for knowing for a long time it would end up like this but still holding onto the relationship for petty reasons.  
  
"Ah understand and ahm sorry to," the words were racing out of her mouth and she wondered if he even understood what she said. "Goodbye."  
  
She stepped back almost tripping over her own feet and hurried to her shared room passing the latest new student... Morph or Jason actually. He creped her out, it wasn't his grey skin it was just because not only could he shape shift into people like Mystique but objects as well. She was relieved no one was in there and she cried...she cried silently cursing her life and her gift. She cried herself to sleep when she got into her room even though it was early in the afternoon on a Friday. Like always since the new student came she had paranoia about him being in her room for some reason, any reason, but for that night she ignored it. Life sucked for her at that moment ( I threw him in there randomly so if you want to see more of him, you're in the wrong place he's not a big character in this story...barely even small, just to show you I added someone new).  
  
**A day later with Jean**  
  
She woke up to a bright light in her face. She squinted her eyes because the light to bright for her at that time. When she got used to it she realized she felt fine, like nothing ever happened and she wondered if it really did happen. She took a deep breath enjoying the smell of some cooking.  
  
_Cooking? How can I smell cooking way up here_ she thought to herself thinking she was in the institute.  
  
"You're up I see," a sweet and familiar voice spoke.  
  
Jean realized that it wasn't a dream then and she sat up quickly discovering her clothes to be gone. She saw a man with a bowl of stew sitting by the bedside. He was healthy looking and had a head full of white hair pulled back into a pony tail. His eyebrows were bushy with white and grey hair also he had small glasses on. Jean took it the wrong way with her being in only underwear and an old man greeting her. She brought the sheet closer to her.  
  
"Who are you? Where am I? Where are my clothes? What's the date?" she asked all in one breath.  
  
A woman about Rogue's age...probably older appeared in the doorway. She had golden blonde hair and blue eyes and a very womanly figure. She opened her mouth showing braces and answered all her questions," He's my dad Matthew, you're at Canoe Creek a few hours away from where we found you at Alkali Lake, They're hanging up behind you, it's January 15, Saturday." She smiled," You're clothes are weird."  
  
Jean sat back a bit more relaxed," Why do you say that?" She was so used to the clothes having warn them so many times she didn't quite see how they were weird.  
  
"It's leather that normally means you're a biker but bikes are band here so you are obviously not a biker. They had patches all over with the letter X on it. That a gang symbol or something?" The girl was as curious as a cat.  
  
"You could say that," Jean answered her question.  
  
"For mutant's right?" her dad asked.  
  
Jean bolted upright in her bed," Calm down honey we don't mind...actually Carol over here is one to." A small woman emerged from the closet said. She looked like Carol so Jean figured she must be the mom.  
  
Jean said nothing and there was a long silence. "Well eat up and well check up on you later," Carol said.  
  
They left Jean to herself and she smiled. The first family she'd ever seen supporting their child even after they know what she is ad what it is she can do. She was overjoyed and at her stew happy to have been saved by a family such as this one. They were friendly and understanding. She had soon finished her stew and put her uniform back on. Her body felt happy to be in a familiar place like her uniform. She looked at herself in the mirror first and hated her reflection. Her hair was frizzy and dry, her eyes had bags under them, her skin color had been drained, and her mouth tasted nasty.  
  
"You can take a shower if you want dear," The mom said opening the door," There's an extra toothbrush in the bathroom, it's green.  
  
Jean wondered if her mom was telepathic like her for a second then dismissed the idea. "Anyone would've offered a shower to me, look at me." She spoke to herself.  
  
She took off her uniform headed towards the bathroom. She noticed the room was clean and in need of fixing. The door seemed to have been pulled with such force it broke halfway off and there was no doorknob. The walls had writing on them and small holes from where the tacks were if posters of something else had been placed there. She got in the shower and enjoyed the hot liquid flowing over her, the relief from her scalp ash she used shampoo and conditioner and enjoyed the wash ball that made her skin feel good. When she got out the shower she hurried to put her clothes on and brushed her hair and her teeth. She looked at her reflection again seeing her skin with it's natural tan color back her hair had volume and was as soft as it looked, her bags were gone and he simply felt good. Stepped into the hallway and ran into the entire family, kinda scary actually.  
  
"Come to the living room with us and well exchange questions and answers," Matthew said.  
  
Jean followed a little uneasy about the situation. She was a mutant what more did they want to know?  
  
_Stupid question_ She thought and sat across from them and felt odd being the only one in a leather body uniform.  
  
"Well what did you want to ask me exactly?" Jean finally broke out.  
  
"I wanted to know what my power was," The girl Carol asked.  
  
Jean raised an eyebrow," Uh well...what is it you can do?"  
  
Carol stood up and picked up the couch with both her parents on it. She did it with ease and gracefulness, they seemed to be used to it. "Also," she sat back down with her parents," I can't seem to feel pain...like when I missed the bus for school once to go home I stayed in the weight room and a shelf of weights fell and hit me...there was not much pain like you would think and there wasn't a mark on me, like I was immune or something."  
  
"Well," Jean thought about it," Were there marks before?" she asked thinking she had a healing factor like Logan.  
  
"No never," Carol replied. "Also when I used to wrestle I almost always knew my opponents next move."  
  
"Super strength and um...I pretty sure invulnerability and that last one is um...," she trailed. Precognition maybe? She thought to herself," Has it ever happened differently...say you knew what someone was going to say before they said it?"  
  
"Nope," Carol said.  
  
Jean felt a presence in her head and then she heard her, Phoenix, again _Seventh sense_ her voice was knowing. "Seventh sense," Jean repeated almost unable to help herself. It's rare but not unheard of "It's rare but not unheard of," she repeated again.  
  
"Seventh?" her dad asked slowly," Sense? Like the five senses with touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing right?"  
  
"Seven?...what happened to six?" the mom asked.  
  
Jean felt herself talking but she had no control over her words, she knew what might be happening. Phoenix was taking over. "The sixth sense is a great accuracy of intuition; seventh sense is ability to anticipate an enemy's next movement. It only works against an enemy or opponent unless you have control."  
  
Jean heard her voice but knew they weren't her words. She found herself in darkness with only one light. She knew she was her mind, she'd been her many times with Scott Hint hitn and she knew what to do. It was part of being a telepath, you simply knew certain things. She went up to the light, which happened to be a bird of fire, slowly almost struggling since there seemed to be resistance and glared at it.  
  
_You cannot control me yet_ it's mouth didn't move but they were it's words. It seemed to dissolve and Jean went back to controlling her body the words replaying in her head tauntingly.  
  
"Also I can fly," she heard Carol say.  
  
"Weird," Jean spoke softly happy to be in control. "How old are you?"  
  
"Nineteen." She answered without question.  
  
"So young," Jean was almost lost in thought. "Four powers."  
  
"How many do you have?" Carol asked.  
  
"Three. I'm a telepath, a telekinetic and um" She didn't quiet know what Phoenix was. _Pyro-Kinesis_ the voice spoke. "Pyro-Kinesis."  
  
"Don't mind my being rude or forward but was a woman like you doing floating inches above the ground in Alkali Lake. The ice is thin there and there isn't a vehicle for miles." Her dad asked.  
  
Jean looked at her hands folded neatly in her lap. _Can I tell them?_ she wondered but suddenly she heard s a thought.  
  
_Maybe she could help out Carol_ it was the dads thoughts and she knew then that their intentions were good.  
  
"Well were you here when the damn broke a year ago?" Jean asked.  
  
"We were here but not Carol...why that was almost a year ago." The mom asked.  
  
"Well," she couldn't bring herself to speak about it. "Never mind can I rest or something?"  
  
"Sure you can sweetie," the mom said and Jean went back to her room.

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End of chapter R/R

EvilWhiteRaven: I appreciate the review thanks.


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